I completely feel like a broken record, and that I'm always letting everyone down. I have all these grand plans, only to fail miserably. I lose a couple pounds, then gain them back. It's tough. And it's annoying. But mostly it's tough. I thought the first few pounds were supposed to be easy? But since I started the year off (exercising and such), I have gained 10 pounds. When I started this blog, I was in the 140s. Now I'm creeping up to the 160s. How in the hell does that happen? I did not work out at all before the beginning of this year. Now I work out 5-6 days/week. I didn't count calories or watch my portions. Now I track everything on MyFitnessPal. And where has that gotten me? 10 more pounds on this 5'1" frame.
What gives??? It's taking so much in me to not just give up. I feel like I'm doing all the right things, and getting rewarded for nothing. Is there something wrong with my body? I almost wish there was, because then I'd know WHY I'm gaining weight, instead of losing.
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Sigh. But I have no choice. I have to keep going. I can't give up. I still have that 5K in May that everyone knows about. And I still have this blog. This blog has been the one thing that's kept me going. Yes, disappearing and never showing up again would be the easy way out. I've done that before. Did you know in the past I had 3-4 blogs that I abandoned because I just gave up? Granted, I had 0 followers. But I can't do that. Not this time.
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The next couple of weeks, this blog will be changing. In a good way. I also have a secret to tell you all about - probably in tomorrow's post.
And as for that scale? It's time to say goodbye to that bitch. No more weigh-in Wednesdays, and no more "rewards" based on that stupid number. I'm going to start rewarding my behavior. I'm going to start taking measurements. And I will weigh myself once per month - the last day of every month (no matter what day of the week it is). That scale is going in my closet and away from my view.
No more waiting to be at a certain weight to reward myself. I need to reward myself for my hard work. That number will not control me. No more.
I have a major post coming up in the next week hopefully... I have decided to actually start taking my goal to loser 20 lbs seriously. I mean I am healthy for the most part, but honestly Im pretty lax about it. I always take the mentality of like :well, i love food... at least with working out im wont gain" but unfortunately i have found that the STUPID saying "you cant out exercise a bad diet" is true. and i dont really have a BAD diet i just eat too much (bottomless pit haha)so.. i actually have to crack down on myself and face reality. WAH! being an adult is no fun :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, I definitely think part of the problem could be that I'm not being 100% accurate when tracking my calories. I need to be more mindful of that!
DeleteIm almost to that point as well. I was just thinking about a post about saying good bye. Honestly I really let those numbers that stare back at me determine my mood. ITs becoming a bit unhealthy for me. Kuddos to you for putting the scale away!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Heather!! I can completely understand your frustration - it IS tough! Get rid of that scale! And speaking of rewarding your behavior, you should check out the Non-Scale Victories linkup we do over at KTJWeighingin (http://www.ktjweighingin.com/2013/03/non-scale-victories-10.html), we blog on Thursdays about everything (even little things) we do that are healthy and NOT scale related! Keep blogging, your followers are here for you and I'm one of them :) I've also been reading a lot of different articles about working out too much...(http://www.livestrong.com/blog/why-your-workout-could-be-making-you-fat/)...AND being sure to consume enough calories. When I started this journey a little over a year ago, I began just by working out and thought that was enough, I gained 9lbs in 4 days - I cried and cried! Then I joined MyFitnessPal and started tracking my calories and I'm down 54lbs...I used to weight 271lbs. No doubt about it, it's hard, but you can do it!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy to hear this. I personally think the scale is the devil...and completely inaccurate! You have to consider things like water weight, time of day, and maybe a dying battery if it's a digital scale. I hate them. You're MUCH better off taking measurements and PICTURES! Pictures are key. Remember, muscle weighs more than fat, so those changes are more clear visually.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to hearing the news you're sharing!
Yes, I hadn't thought much about pictures (except for my new "Selfie Wednesday). I just hate taking pictures of myself, for obvious reasons! I'm hoping that this blog will force me to get better at it!!
DeleteSorry to hear about your scale troubles. Scales are so temperamental. And weighing yourself too often can drive you nuts.
ReplyDeleteTwo years ago, I was weighing myself twice a week and I was seeing the number fall. But I was driving myself batty keeping up with the numbers. Too often, we let that scale determine our self worth and it's never a good thing.
This time around, I am weighing 2 times a month, if that. I take measurements once a month and it seems to be going better.
Keep your head up and do what's right for you. You'll get there.
Good luck!
Thank you! Yes, the number certainly does not define my journey, so I'm not letting allowing it to anymore. :)
DeleteGood for you for putting that scale away! I can tell you that in my personal experience, I am much happier without the scale. I used to weigh myself religiously every morning, but I started to get so focused on the numbers and I knew it was getting to be unhealthy. I almost never weigh myself now and I just go based on how clothes fit. Another weird thing, I have also noticed that I sometimes gain weight when I workout hard and try to eat better, and I will actually lose at times that I am eating poorly and not active. I think our bodies just naturally know where to "settle" at for the moment and fluctuate on their own timing! But really, good for you for recognizing that the numbers really are meaningless, you are so much better off without them!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a great way to change it up for yourself! Keep up the good work :) good bye scale!!
ReplyDeleteHi Heather, its great you are not giving up, I usually have two different types of goals (scale and non scale victories). Just running for 5 extra minutes or running at a higher speed is one of them, I also think it's nice to notice all the small changes in ourselves like being ok with not snacking on junk food or looking forward to a workout..
ReplyDeleteI think its always good to focus on the non scale victories because they help you stay focused
Thanks! Yes, it's hard to not just focus on the number. But I'm forcing myself because that number is just too unpredictable and out of whack.
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