The Crud

Yeah, of course.  Leave it up to me to get sick when I finally start getting motivated and working out.  Yesterday afternoon I started feeling the tell-tale signs of a cold coming on - my throat hurt like nothing else. I still worked out at the Y, but it was probably one of my worst workouts yet.  The class is an hour, and after 40 minutes, I left.  My body couldn't handle any more.  So I went down to the hot tub to soak a bit.

I went home and felt okay, but pretty tired.  So I took some Nyquil and went to sleep.  This morning was horrible.  My throat was killing me, and now I'm soooo flippin' tired and groggy I can't concentrate on anything.  All I want to do is curl up in bed.

I won't let it derail me.  I don't think I'm going to exercise today, but I will make sure I don't go over my calories.

Ugh.  It seems this always happens.  Every time I get serious about working out, I get sick.  I have NO idea why.  I hope this goes away soon.

NSV's and November

So I have some NSV's (non-scale victories) from yesterday to report.  Last week I had bought a Dr. Pepper, and ended up being so busy I didn't drink it.  That means it was sitting on my desk all day yesterday.  Did I drink it?  Nope!  I don't know if it's these pills I'm taking, but I had no desire for it!  Another victory....there was a delicious looking chocolatey, ooey-gooey brownie sitting by my desk for anyone who wanted it.  I walked by it soooo many times.  Did I even attempt to take it?  Nope!  I'm so proud of myself! Thankfully the brownie is gone today (someone else can have that sit on their thighs, thank-you-very-much). The Dr. Pepper is still here, but I still don't have a desire to drink it.  We'll see how today pans out.

Another awesome thing about yesterday?  I was under my calorie allowance (I did eat back my exercise calories though)!  A great start toward that goal of being at or under my weekly allowance!

Today's plan is to go to the gym right away after work for a BodyStep class.  I'd also like to spend some time in the sauna and the hot tub.  I'm excited about that!

October is wrapping up (already!), so that means I need to have a new thermometer and exercise goal made.  I've printed out the thermometer and filled in the lines already.  I'm going to shoot for 1200 minutes of exercise in November.  We'll see how that goes, and depending on how I do, I'll either increase or decrease that number for December.  I'm still waiting to make a decision about the Orange Theory Fitness.  I'm not doing so good with money right now, so it may have to wait a couple weeks until I can breathe again (rent is due this week....ugh).

I'm Back

Okay, so that was the shortest blog hiatus I've ever seen.  But things are already calming down a bit, and a visit with my bestie on Saturday, have both given me a little fresh air.

So Saturday I went to Crave with my best friend ever.  I hadn't seen her in about a month (she has a new baby, so her life is pretty hectic).  And, wow!  She looked great!  It seriously looked like she lost about 15 pounds!!  And no, it's not just "baby" weight she lost by breast feeding - her baby is more than a year old now.  Apparently she's been going to this new place called Orange Theory Fitness.  She's been going there twice a week, and working out at home twice a week.  It definitely gave me the fuel and motivation to rock it out and get moving.  If she can lose weight after having a baby, there's no reason I can't!!  So it's time to step it up!

I'm going to check out Orange Theory Fitness (I'll be going to a different location).  There's a free pass for one workout that I can use.  It's basically like a boot camp, and they use intervals and train on treadmills, TRX Suspension Systems, free weights, and rowing machines.  I'm hoping I can maybe use it this week or next, and ask what the cost is and go from there.  The workouts would probably be twice a week (as in, I'm sure that's all I'll be able to afford).  I'm still going to keep my YMCA membership.  I get a discount through my health insurance there, and I like the hot tubs and perks that I get at the Y - not quite ready to give that up!

I also went to GNC yesterday and got their new VitaPak - the Women's Ultra Mega Active VitaPak.  Here's a quick description from their web site.

VITAPAK® PROGRAM FOR ACTIVE WOMEN

Clinically studied multivitamin with 2,000 IU of vitamin D-3

Increases energy and calorie burning*

Fuels fatty acid metabolism with carnitine and CLA*

Cushions joints with vitamin C, collagen and HA

There's 7 pills in each pack (you take all pills each day).  There are 2 multi-vitamins, 2 energy enhancers, 1 CLA, 1 L-Carnitine, and 1 Calcium pill.  This morning after I worked out, I took 1 multi, 1 energy enhancer, and the L-Carnitine.  Then right before lunch I'll take the other multi, the other energy enhancer, and the CLA.  And right before bed will be the calcium (I saw this recommendation in the reviews - there's no way I could choke down all 7 pills this morning).  

I have to say, the energy enhancer is working!  I'm not drinking coffee with these pills, as I'm sure the extra caffeine will be too much.  And I don't need the coffee.  I have a lot of energy, and don't feel so sluggish - which is great for work!  

Oh, and another update - I haven't added ANY minutes of exercise since my last addition to the thermometer.  Bad, I know.  But after this morning (I did C25K - in the morning - at the gym!), I can add another 30 minutes.  I'm probably not even going to hit 50% of my goal, but a new one will be made this week for November.  And I didn't earn $20 toward my goal for calories.  But this week is a new week!

That's it for now.  Happy Monday!

Break

Sorry I've been MIA lately.  Life is hectic....both work and personally.  I may be on a little hiatus for a week or so.  But when I come back, I'll be back and better than ever.  The blog may be on hiatus, but my tracking and attempt at a healthy lifestyle is not.  So have no fears....it's just that I don't have much time to write these days.  Will be back soon!

Calorie Budget Goal

Happy Friday!  So glad it's Friday...this has been a busy week.  I'm hoping next week isn't so busy, and I can spend more time on my blog.

So the other day I posted by "thermometer" that I'm using to track my exercise minutes.  If I hit 50% of 600 minutes between now and the end of October, I get to purchase a new book on my Nook.  75%, and I get to purchase new workout shoes.  100%, and I'll allow myself a 1/2 day vacation.

I'm taking a similar approach with my calories.  We all know I struggle (hard core) with my eating.  It seems I'm going over-budget about 95% of the time.  That's not good when I'm trying to lose weight, because we all know that losing weight is 90% diet, and 10% exercise.  So to help me stay on track with my eating, I came up with a kind of similar reward system that I have for my exercise.  In a day at work, I make about $160 (I rounded down to make it an even number).  So this is the plan.  For every week that I stay at or below my calorie budget (ie, I don't go over - this will come from my weekly LoseIt report), I'm going to put $20 in a jar.  Once I hit $160 (8 weeks' worth of $20), I'm taking a vacation day, and I'll use that $160 to go shopping or do whatever I wish with that $160!  I know, I'm such a genius.    :)

This is starting to get me excited about this whole thing again!  I can't wait to see what this brings.  Hope you all have a great weekend.....I'm going to the Vikings game on Sunday!  Skol Vikings!

This is Hard

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel like I want to eat everything in sight today....and I'm not even that hungry!!  It was 10:00 and all I wanted to do was eat my lunch!  I don't know if it's because it's that time of the month, or if it's because I had a wimpy breakfast (a piece of banana bread with peanut butter).

I did not get up this morning to go to the gym.  Story of my life....I feel like a broken record.  But I have a good excuse - I didn't get to sleep until probably about 1:30.  So yeah, I really needed that extra sleep.  I didn't go to the gym last night, but I did do a DVD.

I tell you, this losing weight thing is hard.  I'm so tired of tracking calories and seeing myself go over my budget every single day.   And I'm tired of making plans to workout that don't pan out.  I'm not giving up....just laying it out there that this is hard.  I wish it was as easy as gaining weight was!

Lots to do at work today, so I'm off like a prom dress.  Later!

Oh and P.S.    I was able to color in 30 minutes on that thermometer (see yesterday's post)!  That was fun!   :D

It's Going to Get Serious Up In Here

Okay, so here's the deal.  I know I keep changing things up around here (at least as far as exercise plans go), but I really need to find what works for me.  So far, I haven't found that yet.  Maybe I'll find it with this plan, maybe I won't.  Maybe it'll be a long time before I figure that out.  But I've got to keep trying.  So here it goes.

I've printed out one of those weight loss thermometer things (found at Dotti's Weight Loss Zone....Google it). And instead of tracking my weight, I'm tracking my exercise minutes.  For the remainder of October, I'm going to aim to get 600 minutes of exercise in.  Every minute counts, and I'll slowly fill in the thermometer until I hit my goal.  If I hit 50% of my goal by the end of October, I get to purchase a new book on my Nook.  If I hit 75% of my goal, I get new tennis shoes.  And 100%?  I'm letting myself take a 1/2 day of vacation.  This is what it looks like....

Boy do I want that 1/2 day.

I'm going to start going to the gym in the mornings.  My reward for making it to the gym each day will be to sit and relax in the hot tub after my workout.  What a great way to start a work day!  I've been wanting to sit in the hot tub for so long, but haven't done it (because I haven't been to the gym, ha).  The morning workouts will consist of C25K.  That's it.  I can do that.  Then after work I'll be going to the gym (again!) on the days my boyfriend works in the afternoon (which is most days, and I don't want to workout when he's home because I never get to see him anymore).  I'll be going to BodyStep classes.  There's one I can make it to every day, Monday-Thursday.

I've also joined a weight loss challenge through Mama Laughlin's Fit Camp!  We've already given our starting weights (of course the week of my period), and the group that loses the most (% I think), will win some cool stuff!  Head on over to Fitness Unscripted to check it out (although, the challenge is closed to new people now).  I'm on a team with a great group of girls, and everyone seems so friendly and motivated.  I certainly don't want to let my team down.

So it's time to get serious.

Weigh In Wednesday

Sorry I've been MIA lately....life has been busy.  Work especially.  But things should be dying down soon!  Today is Weigh In Wednesday.  I'm not too happy with this.  But Aunt Flo is back for her monthly comeback, so I'm not going to take this too seriously.  But this BETTER be down next week, or it's on like Donkey Kong.

Sigh.

Cravings and Planning

Yes.  That just happened.  And I'm not going to dwell on it or talk about it.  End of story....    :)

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Moving right along.  I kind of binged last night.  And I didn't work out.  I think my lovely Aunt Flow coming into the picture next week could be to blame for all these cravings.  I wish I wasn't this hungry, crap-craving beast every month.  But it is what it is.

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I'm working on some calendars in Excel....they're actually quite neat.  On the bottom of each calendar, I have spaces to write in my beginning measurements for the month, my ending measurements, and then progress.  In the "calendar" spaces I'll be writing my workout plans.  And I plan to go to Target or somewhere to get some stickers to stick on each day that I did my workout.  How nerdy fun!  Hopefully that will give me a little more motivation to get my workouts in....because I've really been sucking at that!  Maybe I'll give some kind of a preview when they're done.    ;)   Ah, what the heck....here's October....

Yeah, you can just barely see the bottom part, but like I said....it's my beginning measurements, end of month measurements, and results (including total inches lost).

Another thing I need to work on is my planning.  Yes, I've been making meal plans for the week for dinners, but I haven't always followed everything.  I also have started to slack on what my lunches for the week will be.  And I really need to try to get everything portioned out and as ready to go for the week as possible, so I don't have too much to think about every day....I can just grab my lunch and go.

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And with that, it seems that I have a lot of work to do this weekend!  Hope everyone has a great weekend.  Let's try to keep this a lower-calorie weekend.  I'd really like to get down to that 145 goal and finally get those Fall boots soon.  Because, well, Fall is just about over!!!

To Eat or Not to Eat

Well I did the Get Ripped 1000 DVD last night....I burned almost 300 calories.  Not bad, but certainly not the 1000 she advertises in the title.  Not even half of that!  Granted, I did a lot of the cardio modifications, and took a couple rests (*cough*70 push-ups*cough*), so that could be a reason my calories burned was a tiny bit low.  And boy did I sweat like a disgusting man!

I really enjoyed it.  The hour went by fast!  Tonight I plan on doing Cathe's Low Impact Circuit - probably one of the cardio premixes.  I'm looking forward to that one - I love the music.

I'd really like to be able to workout 2 times a day....that will really up my calorie burn.  But I went to the apartment gym last night just to see if the treadmills were working.  Nope.  Grrrr....I'm paying money for this place, which I chose because of their gym, and I've barely been able to use it!!  I'm starting to not like this place.

I spent some time yesterday researching the idea of eating back your exercise calories.  So many different viewpoints on it....no wonder it's so confusing for us common folk!  I did all that research, and I still don't know if I should eat back my exercise calories.  I guess just listen to my body?  But a lot of times my body tells me - "You're stressed/bored/tired - FEED ME!"  So that may not be a good idea for me right now.    :-\

I'm pretty tired today.  The boyfriend is working a second job and didn't get home until about 11:30 last night.  Then he took a shower, ate, and all that jazz....we didn't end up going to bed until about 12:30.  Then he began hitting the snooze button at about 6:00.  Sigh.  I was so tired and just wanted to sleep!  But I know he's really tired too, so I didn't yell at him.  Poor guy has to work again tonight after his first job....same for tomorrow!

Bye Bye Jillian

I've mentioned good old Jillian (Michaels) in a few posts already.  I've shared that I don't like her workout videos so much, and I've mentioned that I'd be doing this 31 Days of Jillian challenge.  I thought I'd give her another chance.  I did her 30DS workout a couple times last week, and once this week.

This week is when it all changed.  I decided to put on my BodyMedia Fit armband to see how many calories I'm actually burning.  To me, I was sweating a bit, but my heart rate was only mildly high during small parts of the workout.  The armband did me in....I only burned 151 calories.  Granted, that's a lot for 20 minutes.  But it's not enough for me.  I want to sweat, and I want to feel the pain.  30DS is hard, don't get me wrong.  But it's only hard for a minute at a time.  And I want to be able to eat more.  There.  I said it.

So I'm saying bye, bye Jillian.  And....

Hello, Jari Love!  I've had a couple of her workouts (Get Ripped 1000, and Get Ripped to the Core) for a few years now.  I've done both of them several times.  And in the past, even doing them for a couple weeks gave me some good results.  I loved the feeling I had after doing them too.  I was sweaty.  I was tired, and I was not bored (something Jillian doesn't do for me...her workouts are boring to me).

I'll be rotating Jari with some good old Cathe Friedrich (love her, and this workout!).  This should get me some results.  I'm doing Get Ripped 1000 for the first time (in years) tonight.  Oh gosh....wish me luck!

Weigh In Wednesday

Woo-hoo!  Not a big loss, but a loss nonetheless.  This brings my total weight loss to 1.2 pounds.  Like I said, not a lot, but I am starting to feel the momentum pick up.  I'll be at my first goal, and getting those new Fall boots in no time!!

I promised a post yesterday, but I didn't get to it.  Bye Bye Jillian will be coming later today.    :)

Temptation

Sigh.  The HR Manager from Belgium is in the office today, and THIS (Belgian chocolate) is sitting right by my desk.

No, that's not an actual picture....I Googled it because I figured people would think I'm weird if I take a picture of the office chocolate stash.  But the concept is the same.  It.  Is.  YUMMY.

I have had too much of it.  HELP!!!

And a post that will be coming later today....Bye Bye Jillian.  

I'm sure you saw that coming.

BodyMedia Fit

Oops...for some reason I thought I posted this last night, but I guess I didn't....I just thought about it, ha!  Anyway - I wore my BodyMedia Fit Armband last night while I did the 30DS.  And what did it say I burned?  Drumroll....

151 calories.

......

SERIOUSLY?  That's IT??  Ugh.  Here I thought I was burning 250 calories.  That's not enough.  I may have to re-think this Jillian Michaels thing.  Yeah it's a short workout....but for all these promises she's handing out (you can lose 20 pounds in 30 days, etc), I expected a much higher calorie burn than that.

So I ate a 1 ounce bag of Cheetos yesterday.  I guess I burned that off.

*Eye roll*

Meal Plan - October 8 - October 14

Garlic Shrimp with Coconut Milk, Tomatoes, & Cilantro

 - Served with Rice (for the BF), Avocado, & Asparagus

Chicken Dinner

 - Served with Rice (for the BF), Lentils, & sauteed Zucchini/Corn

Seco de Pollo (Stewed Peruvian Chicken...Google that shit!)

 - Served with Rice (for the BF), Lentils, Patacones (fried plantains), & Pickled Cucumber/Radish Salad

Buffalo Chicken Stuffed Shells

 - Served with Rice (for the BF), & Salad

Lunch for this week is Stuffed Pepper Soup that I made in the crockpot yesterday.  I had some today with Triscuits and a Cheese Stick - Yum-O!!

Yes, I realize that's only 4 meals.  But I have leftover pasta from last week (in the freezer).  That'll probably be good for Friday night.  And we typically go out at least one night on the weekend.  So I think that's enough for the dinners.  I'm sure there will be leftover chicken or Seco de Pollo too!

Week In Review - Or Not

No "Week In Review" today.  Know why?  Because I did not track this weekend...on purpose.  I needed a break.  And that's okay.  I'm back to tracking today.  I think we need that sometimes.  We can't be completely obsessed with numbers, because it's not all about that.  But I do understand that some people (including myself) do need to keep track of numbers to stay in check.  And a break once in a while won't hurt.  I'm thinking maybe I could do that one weekend a month?  We shall see.

This weekend was a good one.  I told myself I was not going to drink.  I did.  But not as much as usual.  Friday night I only had about 1/2 a rum & coke.  Saturday night I went out with friends...kind of turned in to a girls' night after the guys left.  I had 2 small glasses of wine, and a shot of vodka.  So not too bad.  I'm going to keep trying!

I re-activated my BodyMedia Fit account...mainly because I just want to see how many calories I burn with a workout (I have the watch that syncs with the arm band).  I like that it gives me an exact number, and I'm not completely guessing what the hell I'm burning.  I'll keep you updated on that!

I'm working on my meal plan/grocery list for the week...I'll post an update a little later today.  And here is my workout plan for the week....

Monday - 30DS (Level 1); C25K (Week 1 - the treadmill in the apartment gym was not working last week)
Tuesday - 30DS (Level 1); C25K (Week 1)
Wednesday - 30DS (Level 1); C25K (Week 1)
Thursday - 30DS (Level 2); C25K (Week 1)
Friday - 30DS (Level 2); C25K (Week 1)
Saturday - 30DS (Level 2)
Sunday - 30DS (Level 2)

A little update on the 30 Day Shred.  I only did it twice last week - Tuesday and Thursday.    :(    But I'm going to keep going.  No use in stopping now.  And I DID take my measurements (found my tape measure)!!  My notebook is at home, so I'll post that later tonight too (gee, I sure have a lot of homework to do for this blog today!).  ***And I sure hope they fixed the damn treadmills.  I called on Thursday to see when they were planning to fix them.  They said they were fixing them that day, so I went to the gym, and they were not fixed.  Grrr!!

Happy Monday!

Success - NSV!

A success for lunch!  Yes, I left my lunch at home on the kitchen counter this morning, but I didn't let that derail me!  I ran to Cub and grabbed the same soup I was going to have, and some crackers (I was originally going to have Triscuits, but these Vegetable Crackers looked good!).  And I left out the cheese stick I was going to have.

And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about stopping at Burger King or McDonald's.  But I stopped myself.  I said, "No, Heather.  You want it now, but do you really want to change or not??"  Woo-hoo!

Now for tonight....my boyfriend wants to go out (again....I'm so sick of going out.  I just want to stay home).  I plan on not drinking alcohol at all.  I'm done with drinking.  I never drink so much that I feel sick or anything, but I don't need the calories.  And I just don't want it anymore.  Wish me luck!

Well, Shit...

I packed my lunch today.  Went to the grocery store and got a soup especially for today.  And what happened?

I left my damn lunch box on the kitchen counter.

Sigh.

Nerd

I had a very blonde moment today (no, I'm not blonde, but I seem to have a lot of them).  So I'm using a rental car at the moment - my car is in the shop for $6000 worth of repairs because I hit a pole.  Long story.  Well I went to the grocery store today.  All was fine and dandy, and I brought my cart out to the car.  I tried opening the hood with the remote.  Hmm, didn't work.  That's fine, it probably just doesn't work anymore.  It is an old car after all (123,000 miles).  So I took the key and tried that out.  What the hell....did they not give me a key for the trunk?!

So I attempted to unlock the car.  I didn't hear the "click" sound.  Okay, what the hell is going on?  I started walking toward the front of the car, and noticed a bunch of crap in the back seat.  Um, not my stuff.  Was that there all along??  I swear it was empty before.

Um....duh, Heather.  NOT your car.  And of course there was a guy loading his car right next to that one.  So I had to take my cart and attempt to find my own rental car.

Sigh.  Nerd.

On a brighter note....here's me after Jillian kicked my a$$ today!!  Bright red and sweaty....at least I'm still smiling!

Randoms

This is going to be a quickie, because I should probably do some work today.  Ha.

I won't be doing Weigh In Wednesday today, because I can't bring myself to have another negative blog post.  I weighed myself, wasn't happy with the result, and will keep going.  Everything will be back on schedule next week.

Stopped at Trader Joe's yesterday and grabbed some Beef Chili for lunch today.  I'm really looking forward to it.   :)   I'll be pairing that with some mini Triscuits and a Mild Cheddar Cheese stick.  Yum.  Snack is an apple with peanut butter.

I haven't gotten my meal plan up yet because I haven't gone grocery shopping yet.  And the last two days I've just been flying by the seat of my pants for dinner.  Hopefully will be getting back on track.  When I get home I plan on doing C25K and 30DS (didn't get up this morning) before I head to the grocery store.

Random post, I know.  But not much to talk about today (at least nothing interesting!).  Happy Hump Day!

31 Days of Jillian

***Side note before I start....sorry about all the negativity on the blog.  I try to keep this place as positive as I can, but some days I just can't do it.  I'm choosing now to forget about the past (I can't change it), and move on.  I'm not giving up.  I need to lose this weight - this is even more evident now after seeing my "before" pictures I took this morning (keep reading).  Now let's move on to my regularly scheduled blogging!

31 Days of Jillian.  Well, technically it will be 30 days....I'm a little late to the party.  They're doing a little challenge through this site, and I thought I'd join.  I know I said in a previous post that I wasn't too fond of Jillian.  But I'm giving her another chance.  And look....I already did 30 Day Shred, Level 1 this morning!!  My first morning workout!  

I can't say it didn't go off without a hitch though.  I went in to the gym at my apartment to use the TV/DVD player.  And there was no remote.  I couldn't get out of the menu.  I tried pressing "play," but it only brought me to the "instruction" screen, and then I couldn't get out.  Sigh.  That really made me angry.  I don't want to have to work out in my living room, but I guess I'll have to.  So I marched myself back to my apartment and put the DVD in to my XBox player.  

A couple things....I really need to wear 2 (or 3) sports bras.  Those jumping jacks and butt kicks were hurting the girls like something fierce.  I had to actually put my hands over those puppies to hold them down. My purple sports bra is not cutting it.  So 3 (or 10) sports bras it is.  Another thing is I really hate that you can't fast forward through Jillian talking at the beginning before you get to the menu.  Really Jillian?  Yes it's good to listen to your advice and listen to you talk about how great you are maybe the first time....but every time we do the DVD?  That's a little much.  But other than those things, I actually liked the DVD.  It's a good morning workout....short and sweaty.  Just how I like it.

Along with Jillian for the next 30 days, I'll be doing Couch to 5K in the afternoon after work.  And I'll be doing it 5 days, Mama Laughlin-style, rather than 3 days.  

And now on to what you've all been waiting for....my before pictures.  Can I just say....ew.  I did not realize I looked this bad.  I sure can hide it well (or so I think) under my clothes.  But looking forward to see this change throughout my Jillian journey.  Didn't take measurements, because I still don't have a tape measure.  I know, I know...I'll get one, don't worry!  So, here you go......*hides behind the couch*

Warning: Optimists Beware

It's happening.  I'm starting to lose motivation.  You know that feeling....you're getting sick of counting calories and tracking every morsel you put in your mouth.  Your brain is on overload trying to figure out how many calories you have left for the day, and what you can/can't eat to meet that goal.  You're sick and tired because it seems other thin people don't have to think so damn much and do all that math that you have to do.

Why does it have to be so hard?  Why did I have to get this way?  I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make all this weight disappear.  I'm tired of being overweight.  I'm tired of having nothing to wear.  And I'm tired of looking like a beached whale.  Going out is torture.  I feel like I wear the same things every weekend out (all black, of course), and I'm rotating the same 5 work outfits every week.  Even though my closet is full of clothes.  I hate how I look.  My boobs (thanks to my mother) make me look absolutely huge on top, and my lower body is so much smaller; so I look so disproportionate.

I'm tired of being so bored at work all the time that I constantly turn to food.  I get home and I'm bored at home, so I eat food then too.  And when I'm stressed?  I turn to food.  When I'm angry or sad?  I turn to food.  Why???  Why can't I be a normal person and learn to deal with my emotions rather than eat them?

I don't know what to do right now to get my motivation back.  All I know right now is that I don't want to do this anymore, and I want to quit.

Wordless Monday

Because I am in a crabby mood.

I'm sure you can understand why.  Sigh.