Goodbye, It was Nice Knowing You.......Scale

Sorry I was MIA yesterday.  There were a couple reasons for this.  1. It was a busy day at work.  I'm one of the lucky ones who has a four day week (today is my Friday!), so trying to cram everything in to 4 days is a little work.  2.  It was weigh-in Wednesday, and I was not a happy camper.

I completely feel like a broken record, and that I'm always letting everyone down.  I have all these grand plans, only to fail miserably.  I lose a couple pounds, then gain them back.  It's tough.  And it's annoying.  But mostly it's tough.  I thought the first few pounds were supposed to be easy?  But since I started the year off (exercising and such), I have gained 10 pounds.  When I started this blog, I was in the 140s.  Now I'm creeping up to the 160s.  How in the hell does that happen?  I did not work out at all before the beginning of this year.  Now I work out 5-6 days/week.  I didn't count calories or watch my portions.  Now I track everything on MyFitnessPal.  And where has that gotten me?  10 more pounds on this 5'1" frame.

What gives???  It's taking so much in me to not just give up.  I feel like I'm doing all the right things, and getting rewarded for nothing.  Is there something wrong with my body?  I almost wish there was, because then I'd know WHY I'm gaining weight, instead of losing.

(Source)

Sigh.  But I have no choice.  I have to keep going.  I can't give up.  I still have that 5K in May that everyone knows about.  And I still have this blog.  This blog has been the one thing that's kept me going.  Yes, disappearing and never showing up again would be the easy way out.  I've done that before.  Did you know in the past I had 3-4 blogs that I abandoned because I just gave up?  Granted, I had 0 followers.  But I can't do that.  Not this time.

(Source)

The next couple of weeks, this blog will be changing.  In a good way.  I also have a secret to tell you all about - probably in tomorrow's post.

And as for that scale?  It's time to say goodbye to that bitch.  No more weigh-in Wednesdays, and no more "rewards" based on that stupid number.  I'm going to start rewarding my behavior.  I'm going to start taking measurements.  And I will weigh myself once per month - the last day of every month (no matter what day of the week it is).  That scale is going in my closet and away from my view.

No more waiting to be at a certain weight to reward myself.  I need to reward myself for my hard work.  That number will not control me.  No more.

The Last Day of Week 3

I wasn't going to post today, but then I remembered that I need to recap my workout yesterday.  Since I didn't run at all this weekend (like I was supposed to), I did W3D3 yesterday.  And it was tough.

My knees hurt really bad.  I know it's probably normal for your knees to hurt when you begin running, but should they really hurt this bad?  I couldn't make it through my first 3 minute run yesterday because it hurt.  They started to improve a bit once I got about halfway through the workout, and I was able to run the whole 3 minutes the second time around.  I do believe I could have run the whole allotted amount of time I was supposed to run had I not been so sore.

But I digress.  And today's workout is looking a little intimidating and scary.  Week 4 begins today, and this is what it looks like...

5-minute warm-up
Jog for 3 minutes
Walk for 90 seconds
Jog for 5 (!!!) minutes
Walk for 2.5 minutes
Jog for 3 minutes
Walk for 90 seconds
Jog for 5 (!!!!!!!!!) minutes

Um....yeah.  Let's just say I've packed my Advil in my gym bag and will be taking at least 3 before I go to the gym.  I have BodyPump after my run too - we'll see if I feel up to it.

Wish me luck - I'll need it!

Short, Sweet, & Random

I don't really feel like posting today - maybe because it's Monday?

Anyway - I'm tired.  The boyfriend and I spent more than 10 hours on the road yesterday.  More on that tomorrow or Wednesday, because my pictures are taking forever to get sent to my work computer.  We got about 3 hours of sleep on Saturday night, and spent the majority of the day driving yesterday, so needless to say, I'm in desperate need of a nap.

A good thing about this week?  I am one of the lucky few who gets Good Friday off, so it's a short week for me!!!  Woo-hoo!  And the traffic was non-existent this morning because everyone is on Spring Break!  

I didn't get a chance to do the 3rd day of week 3 for C25K this weekend, so I'll be doing that today.  We'll see how that goes.  I'm tired, but I'll make sure I properly fuel myself beforehand.

That's it for today.  Short, sweet, and random.  Because my brain is just not working today!    :)

Week 3 Day 2 Recap

Yesterday was a tough workout.  I did not want to go to the gym.  I was dragging all day - I had no motivation to do anything, and I was exhausted.  I don't know why I was so tired, but I'm thinking that all this training is making my body just a little tired.  But I went to the gym anyway.  I was about to drive home, but decided to drive the other way to the gym.  I was happy I did that.  Proud of myself.

Inside was a different story.  I started my music and started the warm-up.  My legs felt like lead.  I kept telling myself I wasn't sure how I was going to finish that workout.  The first run was a little difficult.  It was hard getting my feet off the ground, one foot in front of the other.  Finally I could start walking again.  Ugh, then the 3 minutes came.  It was hard.  My breathing was very hard (I'm sure people were scared when they heard me coming up behind them).  My legs hurt and burned.  I wanted to quit.  I looked at my phone, and saw I had 15 seconds left, so I kept going.

Finally I could walk again.  By this point, the workout was getting a little easier, and my mood started to lift.  

"Hey,"  I thought.  "Maybe I really can do this whole thing."

Wrong.  The next 90 second run and walk were okay.  Then when I got to the three minutes, I hit a wall.  After running for what seemed like an eternity, I looked at my phone to see how much time was left.  Oh my god, I was only halfway through that 3 minutes.  I couldn't keep going.  And I started to walk.  I continued to jog/walk for the rest of that 1 minute and 30 seconds.  But I was disappointed in myself.  

"If I can't run for 3 minutes, how the hell am I going to run a 5K??"

"I'm going to embarrass myself in front of everyone."

"Maybe I shouldn't have told everyone about this 5K."

"Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a runner."

Then that happened.  I kept putting myself down, because I didn't finish the full 3 minutes.  I started getting scared of that 5K.  But you know what?  Not every run is going to be a good one.  I had no energy yesterday.  I wasn't fueling myself with the right foods yesterday.  I had absolutely no water.

When I got home, I found this book.

I got this book a while back, when I had decided I wanted to be a runner, but never even made it through the first week of training.  Now?  I've made it a lot farther than I did all that time ago.  I studied what I should be eating.  It's really no different than what everyone else should eat to be healthy.  Something inside me clicked.  I should not be running to negate the calories that I eat every day.  I should be eating to fuel my workouts.  I need balanced meals.  I need the right food at the right times to give myself energy for a run.  I always knew this, but I never knew  this (get what I mean?).  

And then I was proud of myself.  Proud that I went to the gym.  Proud that I finished that workout, even though I just wanted to stop.  Proud that I plan to keep going with my regularly scheduled workouts.  Because that's what I have to do.  

Stuck

Has anyone else felt like they were stuck?  I'm not talking about weight loss here, I'm talking about life in general.  I've been thinking about it a lot this morning.  Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today - who knows.  But I feel stuck.  Every morning I force myself to get out of bed to go to work.  I'm not happy with my job, and often think that I picked the wrong career path.  Going to college was rough.  I let my decisions be swayed by my parents.  What did I really want to do?  I wanted to be an English major, or major in Dietetics to become a Dietitian.  But my parents crushed that dream fast, saying that "they don't make enough money."  So I chose business - because I would make a lot of money.

And now I hate it.  I hate sitting in a cube all day, looking at the screen.  I hate answering phone calls and answering questions that people should know (had they read the materials that were sent to them).  I hate that I have so much more potential than my manager realizes, and I'm bored every single day.  Yes, we do need to listen to our parents.  But when you're looking at something that you're going to spend the majority of your life doing?  You should probably go with your gut instinct, or something you're passionate about.  Otherwise life is going to be miserable.  And that's what it has been for me.  I know it's not "too late" to change careers.  But I know that, if I do, it means going to school again.  It means tacking more debt on top of my other school loans that I'm paying off.  It means starting at the bottom again, and probably getting paid a lot less than what I'm getting paid now.  Like at least $10,000 a year less.  Because I'll be starting at the bottom - an "entry-level" employee.

But is it worth it?  To go through all that, so I can be happy?  Or do I continue with dreading going to work every day?  Do I continue feeling empty and bitter?  This is not me.  The person I have become is not who I was.  I've become crabbier and more disconnected from life.  I hate that I let what others thought I should do dictate my decisions.  Who cares if my parents think I need to make more money?  It's not their life.  Yes, they can have an opinion.  But that doesn't mean I have to follow what they say.  I'm not angry with them.  I'm angry at myself.

What do you do when you're 27, and you have no idea what you want to do with your life?  When you feel stuck, with no way out?

Please Follow My Blog Over at Bloglovin'

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

I need to figure out how to get the button on the right side of my page, but for now, please use the above button.  Stupid Google Reader.

And does anyone know how to see who's following you??

Weigh-In/Selfie Wednesday

Morning everyone!  Today is weigh-in Wednesday, and I've also decided to add a little something to my Wednesday morning tradition.  Starting this week, I'm going to start taking a "selfie" before work every Wednesday morning.  I think it would be good to have pictures throughout my journey to track progress.  And since I'm so bad at taking pictures, I figured that creating weigh-in/selfie Wednesday would be a good thing to do.

First up, let's talk about that scale because that's all you care about.

So I lost 0.8 lbs.  Slowwwwly but surely I'm going down.  I'll be honest, though, and say that I wish it would move a little faster.  But I gotta be patient.

So yesterday I did week 3 day 1 of C25K.  I'll just say it wasn't GREAT, but it wasn't horrible either.  When I first started the workout, the running 90 seconds was a little tough.  I don't know if it was my brain that made the workout a little harder (because I was scared to run that 3 minutes) or what, but that 90 seconds could not end soon enough.  Then I walked 90 seconds, during which I tried to pump myself up.

"You can do this Heather."

"If the Biggest Loser contestants can run a 5K, you can certainly run 3 stinkin' minutes!"

And then it came.  My little app told me to "begin running."  So I did.  I started off slow.  Not too long in to it, my music stopped for a second, and I heard a beep.  Hm, that was weird.  But I kept running anyway.

And running.  And running.  And running.  Okay, I'm starting to really get worn out.  This feels a lot longer than three minutes.  But I tried my best to push those thoughts away.  I mean, those thoughts were to be expected, right?  Well then I ran some more, and more....okay WHEN am I going to start walking??  Am I on the wrong week????  So I slowed down and took off my arm band.

The workout was STOPPED!!!!  My mom had called and left a voicemail, so the app STOPPED!!!  At only about 12 seconds in to the 3 minute run!  I was PISSED!  And WTF was my mom calling me for?!?!?! She never calls at that time!!!  UGGGHHHH....I wanted to give up right there.  But I kept going.  I turned the app back on and started walking.

The next 90 second run wasn't so bad, but I was still a little tired from that ???? minute run.  Then I walked.  And tried to pep myself up again.  Surely this time it wouldn't be so bad.  I'm pretty sure I ran more than 3 minutes the last time.  This will be a piece of cake.

"Begin running."  And I did.  I tried to focus on the spring baseball training that was going on below me, and the boot camp class on the other half of the gym.  That worked for a while.  Then Pitbull, my main squeeze for my running workouts, started to annoy me.  Normally he pumps me up, but today he was getting on my nerves.  So I tried blocking him out.  This was a little tough.  My legs started burning.  I really wanted to stop.

"Just make it to the curve of the track, and you can stop."

So I made it to the curve.

"Begin walking."

Oh sweet baby Jesus, thank you!!!!!

I can totally understand now when everyone says that running is mental.  It really is.  I'm sure in the beginning, there's a lot of negative talk going on.  At least for me.  I'm hoping with time, I can replace that negativity with positive talk, and a feeling of being free.  That day will come.  But for now, I'm happy with saying that I made it through Day 1 of Week 3 of C25K.

And the selfies of the day....

Ugh, I hate my torso (short and wide - especially with the big boobs).  And this shirt does absolutely nothing for my figure.  I didn't realize how tough this selfie thing would be.  But, with time, it'll get easier (because I'll be skinnier!).  

That's it for today...make it a great one!

Oh and P.S.  If you're wondering what my mom wanted, it was NOT an emergency.  She called to tell me that the local news station was at my parents' store filming about how they're lowering the cap on walleyes on Lake Mille Lacs, and my brother would be on.  Ugh, seriously?  Sigh.

Spring Training Link Up

Time for the weekly Spring Training linkup with Katie and Kim!

This week is going to look much like last week.  Last night I did a Core Fit class and a Turbo Step class.  During Turbo Step, I got some sad news - the instructor will no longer be teaching, and the Monday night step classes will be replaced by a class called R.I.P.P.E.D.  Well, my ears perked up at that part.  I've heard some good things about this workout, and I know Elle (fierce workout queen) had mentioned it on her blog a few times.  So starting April 1, they'll be introducing this class at the gym.  Can I tell you how much I love this gym???  I figured it would be just like the YMCA, but I'm loving this gym a heck of a lot more.  And it's CHEAPER (by like $1)!!  

Okay, back to my plan.  This week also marks week 3 of C25K.  And I am scared.  Scared because today I will be running 90 seconds, walking 90 seconds, and then running for THREE MINUTES STRAIGHT!!!  Holy hell....what the hell happened to running for maybe 2 minutes??  Ohmigod I'm starting to sweat just thinking about it.  Day 1 of week 3 is today....wish me luck.  And if I'm not here tomorrow, it's probably because I'm still passed out on the track.

M - Core Fit + Turbo Step

T - C25K W3D1 (and maybe BodyPump, we'll see)

W - Core Fit + Turbo Step

Th - C25K W3D2 + BodyPump

F - Off

Sa - Turbo Step + BodyPump

Su - C25K W3D3 (and maybe Barre)

What's your plan for the week?

Monday and The Weekend

Morning friends.  This day is starting off on the wrong foot for a few reasons.

1.  It's Monday.

2.  I was lazy last night and didn't take the time to pack my lunch and my workout stuff.  I did put everything together this morning, but that meant I was running late for work.  And I ended up having this for breakfast, because I wasn't in the mood for my egg muffins...

All 440 calories of this.  Gross.

3.  And lastly, Minnesota woke up to this....

Sigh.  And it's only going to get worse.  Blowing snow will commence this afternoon.  Just in time for rush hour traffic.  Oh the joys of living in Minnesota.  But I won't complain, because, honestly - I'm not ready for shorts weather (because I'm not skinny yet!), and spring/summer/fall here is wonderful.

BUT.  The good news is that I DID pack my workout clothes, and I DID pack a healthy lunch and snack.  I'll be heading to Core Fit and Turbo Step after work.  I'm hoping traffic isn't too bad, because if it is, I may miss the core class at 5:00.  I may leave a few minutes early today.  Sshh!!

As for my weekend...it was pretty good.  I didn't celebrate St. Patrick's Day.  I'm not a beer drinker, and green beer just does not appeal to me at all.  Just call me a failed Irish girl (I'm 25% Irish).  Saturday night I went to a wedding, and danced for a good 6 hours.  Totally burned off all the calories I ate.  Woop woop!  Sunday I made up for that though, because I did absolutely nothing but lay in bed and watch Brothers and Sisters on Hulu on my computer.  I did go to Target and managed to spend over $150 though.  I swear I can never walk out of that store spending less than $100.  

Got me some groceries for the week.  I also got a new purse and wallet for Spring.  The purse is coral, and the wallet is mint - my two fav colors this Spring.  And because Ricky peed in my old gym bag (I know, gross), I had to buy a new one....

It's the same color/style that I had.  Nice and bright, just the way I like it.    :)

I wanted to get some workout capri's (you know, those really tight ones), because I'm not liking my pants during the step classes or running.  They're a little too long, and the shorter ones are too short.  Oh the joys of being a short person with long legs.  I can never find pants that fit me right.  But I ended up not getting any because I was too lazy to try any on.  I'm sure I'll be making a Target run this week to buy some.

Oh!  And one more thing.  My goal for the weekend was to track my calories, good or bad.  And I did!  Saturday was okay, because I danced at the wedding and ended up with a deficit (had I not gone to the wedding, I definitely would have gone way over my calories).  Sunday I was over my calories by about 800.  This was really eye-opening to me.  I can see now one of the reasons why losing weight has been such a struggle.  I do great during the week, but I certainly undo a lot of that hard work on the weekends.  Time to tackle that problem.  This week will be dedicated to coming up with a plan of attack!

Make it a great one!

Fat Girl Friday

The weekend is here, and although I'm happy about that, I'm a little nervous on the diet front.  I feel like I've done really great all week, and I don't want to mess that up this weekend.  My goal for this weekend is to track all my calories (I have yet to do this for one weekend), good or bad.  I'll report back on Monday about how I do.  

Last night I did a BodyPump class, and then W2D2 of C25K.  I'll start with BodyPump.

I persuaded my boyfriend to come with me to this class.  It was quite amusing watching him out of the corner of my eye.  It's so great how men try to be all "tough" and load up the weights, then realize they can't even get out more than 10 reps.  He was in for a rude awakening when he realized each section was 3-4 minutes long, LOL.  It was hilarious.  I probably shouldn't laugh, but it was quite the show.   :D     In all fairness, I did warn him, but he still loaded on the weights.  I think he liked it, and we'll probably be doing it together more in the future.    :)

Next up was running.  We decided to do it around the track, rather than on the treadmills, since it was peak time and we didn't want to sign up for 2 treadmills.  I have to say, I love the track at this location.  It's the largest indoor track in the Twin Cities, and the gym below had two volleyball matches going on, plus some kids' soccer training going on on the other half.  Entertainment for us.    :)    Here's a picture of it that I took off the web site (we run upstairs where the windows are, not on the main floor)....

My boyfriend kind of went at his own pace, while I did the program.  It was great, and although the workout was a little tough, I still managed to have enough energy to sprint around the curves of the track during part of the cool-down.  I had TONS of energy yesterday.  I burned about 760 calories.  I say "about" because I forgot to turn on my HR monitor.  I realized it when we were done with the squat track in BodyPump.  So I burned a few more calories, but I just put 760 in My Fitness Pal.

Normally on Fridays I have what I like to call "Fat Girl Fridays," where I eat out for lunch.  But I decided against that today.  I stopped at Trader Joe's last night and picked up a salad for today.

It's 410 calories for the entire salad (with dressing, which I plan on having) - so a little bit of a splurge, but not too much.  I did pack an orange soda for a "treat."  Balance people!!  I'd say it's much better than going to McDonald's, Jimmy John's, or Noodles and Company (my normal rotation).  

Well, I'm out of here....gotta catch up on reading some blogs.  Have a great weekend!

Mental Health Day

Hey everyone!  Today is Thursday, and I'm at home.  Yep.  I called in this morning when I saw the fresh coating of snow outside.  Really??  Even though I'm getting scared about the spring clothes having to come out soon, I really would like winter to just go away.  And we're supposed to get 4-8 inches on Sunday.  Sigh.

So I called in and said I had a migraine.  Really I just needed a mental health day.  So sorry I'm not sorry.

I did finally get my cleanse in the mail, so I'm thinking I'll be starting that on Monday.  I've heard tons of great things about it, though I'm really convinced that the "results" are from the clean eating, rather than the actual cleanse supplements.  We shall see.

I'm going to have to cut it short today because I want to get some cleaning done.  Might as well make myself useful!!

PS... I'm still looking for some suggestions for weight lifting workouts.  I prefer supersets....I get bored doing regular workouts - all that rest gets me feeling bored.  I want my workouts to move at a faster pace.

Weigh In Wednesday

I was a little nervous about today's weigh-in, which isn't any different from other weeks.  Last Wednesday I had gained two pounds, but then when I stepped on the scale on Thursday morning, I weighed 157.2, which would have technically been a loss from the week prior (157.4).  So I took that weight.  And what about this week?

Well, shucks.  The exact same.  I was hoping I'd weigh less, because when I weighed myself this weekend, I was at 156.  But I gotta take today's weight.  I guess it's to be expected, seeing how I ate/drank this weekend like there was no tomorrow (I had 3 Long Islands on Saturday night!!).  Weekends are a toughie for me, as with everyone else.  I'll need to make changes soon, but right now, with all the other changes I'm making, I just need to focus on those changes right now.  Improving my weekends will come soon enough!   :)

Yesterday was Week 2, Day 1 of Couch to 5K.  I decided to do it around the track, rather than on the treadmills, because at the location I went last night, there are no treadmills by the windows like in the other location.  I'd rather not stare at a wall when I'm running.   :)    Yes, the treadmills are literally right up against a wall...WTF?  The track was fine, except...

Dear Lovebirds:  If you want to walk hand-in-hand, please don't walk around the track where other people are trying to run.  Every time I passed you, I dreaded it.  The track isn't very wide, and I had to try to squeeze between you two and the wall each and every time.  A couple times I had to actually stop running.  As Stephanie Tanner would say....how rude!

That picture just made my day.  Oh how I miss that show.

Anyway, the workout was pretty good.  It was a little difficult at times, and my calves were cramping a little bit, but I made it through the entire workout.  Then I headed to BodyPump.  It was a good workout, but the weights I used were a little too light.  I'll need to remember that for next time.  After the workout, I stopped my HR monitor - I burned 773 calories!  Woo-hoo!  I think that's the most calories I've burned in a workout session.  I think it was also the longest workout - 102 minutes.  I rocked it yesterday!

That's all I have for today....make it a great one!

Spring Training Link-Up

Today, I'm taking a break from all that deep stuff, and linking up with Katie and Kim!

As you know, I've started training for my 5K.  I haven't really talked much about it.  But I only did 2 of the 3 workouts last week.  It was actually a little too easy, so I'm looking forward to this week.  I'm thinking I may do 4 instead of 3 workouts to make up for the first week.  And I promise I'll update the 5K Training page!  

So last week I started going to the YWCA.  I'm liking it so far.  I really like to go to the gym for the classes. So far I've taken a core class, Turbo Step, and BodyPump.  I knew how BodyPump was, because I took those classes at the YMCA, and I loved them.  I'm starting to think I may buy a training book or something so that I can do my own weight workouts.  BodyPump can get a little boring after a while.  Anyone have any suggestions as to what book/training plan I should get?

Yesterday I went to the gym but I didn't do much - did a short walk around the track.  I had (still have) a HUGE blister on my foot from going out dancing on Saturday night.  It kills just to walk on it.  It feels a little better today, so I'm hoping I'll still be able to do my scheduled C25K workout and BodyPump.  Here's my plan for this week.

T - C25K + BodyPump

W - Core Fit + Turbo Step

Th - C25K + BodyPump

F - C25K + Power Ride (I saw a spin class going on last night, and it looked really fun - going to try it out!)

Sa - C25K

Su - Barre (I'm excited to try this class out!)

There ya have it!  Love the idea of this link up, and I look forward to doing it every week!

Make it a great one!

Digging Deep (Part 2)

First, thanks for all the kind comments and encouraging words.  It means a lot to me.  It certainly wasn't the easiest thing writing that post, but it really helped me feel....free, almost?  Things will only get better from here on out.    :)

----

So as I was saying in my previous post, I've never really had to work hard to get anything I wanted in life.  If I wanted something, I just got it.  Hooray for a spoiled childhood!  But not so great when you get older.  I did a little research, and it turns out that those who were "spoiled" as children can turn out to be adults who don't know how to handle real life situations (especially when it comes to finances), and some find it hard to keep a job.  Hmm...sounds like me.

Now please don't think that I'm some self-centered brat.  I'm not - far from it, actually.  What's weird is that I put everyone before myself.  Maybe rather than feeling like I should be center of attention (like I was in my childhood), I got the gene that my parents had - they put me before themselves.  Yep, it's true, and here's an example.  I always pack a lunch for my boyfriend.  I never miss a day.  But do I do the same for myself?  Nope.  I've gotten better at it, but there were days and days that went by where I would have to drive to the local grocery store or some other fast food place to get my lunches, because I didn't take the time to make a lunch for myself.  My boyfriend never had that problem.

That's just one example, and there just is not enough blog space to give you all the examples.  So couple the fact that I always put others before me, with the fact that I've never had to work hard at anything - that's just a disaster waiting to happen when it comes to weight loss.

What can I do to fix it?  It's going to take time, and lots of energy, with some perseverance and patience sprinkled in.  My goals for March are to the right of this page.  I'm going to make a daily checklist for myself, for each day of the week.  It will be on my fridge at home, and it will be very detailed.  I'll need to go through these checklists every day to make sure I get everything checked off.

Checklists might seem a little mundane, but I've found that it has worked for me at work.  Last Friday I created checklists for each day of the week, with a space to fill in my to-do items, plus things that pop up throughout the day.  And let me tell you, today has been one of the most productive days I've had at work in a long time.  I've gotten SO many things checked off my to-do list that have been bothering me for the past month.  All because of a simple checklist.  I tend to be lazy and let my thoughts wander.  When I have a checklist, it keeps me focused.

Each day, if I haven't checked off everything on my checklist, I can't relax on the couch to watch TV or surf the internet.  And no Facebook or Instagram on my phone either, until it's done!  I have to go straight to bed.  That list needs to be full of checkmarks!!  (Ha, time to bring out the parent in me!)

What are some other things I can do?  How else will I go about teaching myself to work hard?  Stay tuned...

Digging Deep

As you all know, I've really struggled with losing weight.  It seems that I stay the same or gain.  Or I lose some, and then gain it back.  All while "trying" with my healthy eating and exercise.  I've noticed that this seems to have been a pattern with me, both now and in the past.  I've always started a "diet," did it half-ass expecting results, and then stopped.  Because, well...what's the point?  I'm not getting results, I WANT junk food - other people get to eat junk food and not gain a pound, so why can't I?

So I've been trying to dig deep to find the real issues.  Why haven't I been able to focus?  Why haven't I been able to lose the weight?  I'm not scared.  I know that is an issue for many.  I never had anything traumatizing happen to me, like a lot of the folks on Biggest Loser (seriously, it seems like we learn about something traumatizing that the contestants have gone through in their lives every week).  I had a plain old vanilla childhood.  I had a great family.  But...

Maybe too great?  I'm not an only child, but I might as well have been one.  My brother is 11 years older than me, and by the time I was 7 or 8, he moved out and went off to college.  Shortly after that, he got married and had a baby.  We all know that the "baby" of the family typically gets most of the attention.  Sorry, first-borns, but that's a fact.  And that also means that the baby gets spoiled.  I've always been handed things.  Don't hate - it's not like I asked for it.  It just happened.  Yes, I did well in school, but I think I even half-assed that.  College was a rude awakening.  I did have to try a little harder, but I managed to skate by.

I think the fact that I managed to skate by so many things in life, plus the fact that my parents gave me everything, is the reason why I'm not losing weight.  I've never really had to work hard to get what I wanted.  I just got what I wanted, and that's that.  I didn't have an allowance.  If I wanted something, I asked for it, and I got it.  Money or a job was never an issue for me.  I didn't have to get my first job until my senior year in high school, and I didn't even have to apply for the job.  My dad had worked there in years past, and managed to get me an "in."  I didn't have to work when I was in college.  My parents paid for everything.  If I was running low on money, they'd send it over.  Visits to my Grandpa's house always meant an extra $700 or $800 in my pocket.  Yes, he gives me that much every time I visit him.  I'm the favorite, always have been.  I don't ask for it.  He just gives it to me.  And everyone assumes that that's why I visit my Grandpa (I think that's what sucks the most - I don't visit him as much as I'd like, because I feel guilty.  So wrong.).

So how do I change?  How do I beat this cycle of expecting things to just fall in my lap?  This has not only been an issue with weight loss.  This has been an issue in almost every facet of my life.  Even work.  I've lost 2 jobs because of it (embarrassing factoid about Heather).  I half-assed my work, and well....some places just won't tolerate that.  I'm scared of losing another job.  I'm living paycheck to paycheck.  If I lose another job, I'm basically out of a place to live.  I don't have enough money saved to pay even half of a month's worth of rent.  I've often wondered why I couldn't get that raise, or that promotion.  Probably because I didn't do my work 100%.  I've always felt that people were against me because they wouldn't give me the promotion I thought I deserved.  I thought I would just get it without having to prove myself?  I was really disappointed when a process was taken away from me at my current job - it was the only process that I actually had to use my brain for (my boring job is another post in itself).  But the truth is that I didn't take it seriously enough, and didn't do a good enough job at it, so they had to give it to someone else.  Fail.

At times, I hate that I was so spoiled.  I wish my parents would have forced me to do more.  To work hard for things that I want, rather than just give them to me.  I don't blame them.  I know they were just trying to be loving parents, and I love them for it.  But I think that's what has been the destruction of me and my weight loss, and other things.

Again....how do I change this?  I don't know what to do to break the cycle.  I've never had to work hard, so how do I teach myself, at 27 years old, to work hard?

(To Be Continued)....

My Steps to Overcome Nighttime Snacking

Gooood morning!  Only 1 more day to the weekend!  I'm in a great mood today, because I stepped on the scale again this morning, and it looks like yesterday's weight was a fluke (I was holding lots of water in this body!).  My weight this morning was 157.2, which is a loss of 0.6 pounds since last week.  Not a ton, but it's also something.  I'll be recording this weight on the "Weigh Ins & Rewards" page.  

I went to the gym last night - score!  I did the 25 minute abs class, and the Turbo Step class.  My abs were still hurting from Monday's class, so it was a little hard to do a lot of the moves.  The majority of the class was spent on a Bosu ball.  Let's just say I was wobbling quite a bit.    :\          The Turbo Step class was fun again.  It was a different instructor (who is actually a sub for the normal Wednesday night instructor), and it wasn't as tough as Monday's class.  But between the abs and step classes, I managed to burn 611 calories.  Not too shabby!

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In yesterday's post, I talked about my new habit of nighttime eating.  I know that this time of day is probably the most unhealthy  time of day to stuff my pie hole, yet it has increasingly become a problem.  So I sat down to come up with a few ways to stop it.

1.  Create a schedule.  I think my main problem is that I'm bored, and a little lonely.  The boyfriend is at volleyball every night, and he usually doesn't get home until 10:30 or 11.  Yes, I could go to volleyball, but then we'd end up eating at midnight, and I'd also end up eating chips and soda (the snacks they sell there).  Not a good thing.  So I think I need to create a schedule of different things for me to do each night.  I've outlined those activities in the next few bullet points.

2.  Start dinner, then go for a walk on the treadmill (or outside, when it gets nice), and listen to a podcast.  Planning is key here.  I'd need to make sure I plan what I'm going to eat, and make sure that I know what I need to do to prep for all my meals.  I found an AWESOME web site a couple weeks ago (you can visit it here), and she has great tips for freezer cooking.  I'll be doing my homework the next few days.  And if anyone has any good podcast suggestions (I'd prefer health/fitness related), let me know in the comments section!

3.  If I want to spend time on the computer, go to Barnes & Noble.  That way I won't be tempted to snack.  Plus, it's probably better to be on the computer sitting at a desk, rather than laying on the couch.  I'll also be leaving my purse in the car so I don't get suckered in to buying one of those delicious bakery items in the cafe.

4.  Surveys at the book store.  I've been trying to save as much money as I can - it's been one of my goals for 2013.  One way I could make more money is by doing surveys online.  I did it before, and I actually was able to make some good money.  It won't make me a millionaire, but if I go to Barnes & Noble a couple times a week, I could make this survey taking my second "job."

That's it in a nutshell.  I think making a schedule is key, so I'm not bored.  Does that mean making dinner later in the evening?  Yes.  But if I map it out right, I should not be spending too much time at night in the kitchen.  Lately, I've been watching TV on Hulu on my computer in the kitchen while I cook, and that triggers me to snack.  So, not a good idea for me.   :)

Google Calendar will be my best friend moving forward.  Can't wait to share what I come up with!

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Oh, and I called Advocare.  For some reason they did not ship my order?  No idea why.  But they shipped it yesterday, so it's on its way.  Advocare will be in my near future.  Um, yay?  Ha!

Make it a great one!

Night Eating

The truth?  I wasn't going to write this post.  I was all ready to tell everyone that I "forgot" about Weigh-In Wednesday, and "Oh well, I'll update you next week."  Nope.  That's not helpful to me at all.

The truth is, I gained weight.  Like 2 pounds.  I do know that this past weekend was NOT a good weekend, eating-wise.  I also know that I have been doing things half-ass (per the usual, for me).  But, I also know that Aunt Flo is here this week, and I ate Jimmy John's yesterday (lots of sodium).  I'm not making excuses.  I'm just laying it all out there.  It is what it is, and I can't let it stop me.

On a more positive note, I forgot to update everyone on how the classes went on Monday!  My abs are STILL hurting from the 25 minute abs class.  It seemed so easy at the time, but all those planks are killing me now.  I can't even laugh without hurting.  And the Turbo Step class was awesome.  I don't need to worry about it being "too easy," as I mentioned in my post on Monday.  It was definitely tough.  It was a little repetitive, but I'm not complaining.  It was more dancey, and I LOVE those types of Step classes.  Looking forward to doing it again tonight (different instructor)!

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Now I need to talk to you guys about the problem I've been having as of late: night time eating.  I don't know why I'm having issues with this all of a sudden.  It's NOT because I'm not eating enough during the day.  Lord KNOWS I am eating plenty.  But I think I'm just bored.  And getting out the stress of the work day.  This has never been a problem for me, but for some reason it has popped up recently.

Now, I have to say....chewing gum won't help me.  I've tried eating pickles, but those are full of sodium, and not conducive to my weigh-ins (see above).  I'm looking forward to the day I can head outside for a walk or something at night, but right now, after the latest snow storm that hit us this week, that's not an option for me.  I just don't know what to do to keep myself busy.

I've tried keeping myself busy in the kitchen, and catching up on my fav shows on Hulu (I put my laptop on the counter).  But then, well....I'm in the kitchen.  And I find things to eat.

I've tried keeping myself busy with cleaning, but I got burnt out.  Some nights I just want to relax, ya know?  And I still go to the kitchen to grab something while I'm cleaning.  Pop being the number 1 thing I reach for (I have to keep this in the house for the boyfriend).

I've tried brushing my teeth.  Nope, don't care that my teeth are clean.  I still dive right in to the peanut butter jar.

Sigh.  So if anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears.

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Can I just say.....I am REALLY looking forward to daylight savings time this weekend.  Longer days, more sunshine, and warmer weather makes me a lot happier!  Hopefully it'll help me get out of this Debbie Downer thing.

See ya tomorrow, and make it a great one!

Planning & Prepping

Morning everyone!  Back to the work week we go.  My goal is to one day marry a rich man so I never have to work again.  Sigh.  A girl can dream.

Since I don't see a rich man in my future (yet), I guess I have to suck it up and work.  

My weekend was pretty uneventful, and it was nice.  Leave it up to me to eat like there's no tomorrow.  Funny how the first of the month always feels like a new "start," and the fact that it was a Friday, well, I think I gave myself the excuse to let it all out this weekend, as if Monday were the real "start" to March.  Fat girl problems.  

But anyway....I did some grocery shopping and food prepping yesterday, which took a good couple of hours.  I also planned out meals for the week.  I always love the beginning of the week, with my fridge stocked full of healthy food, and a plan in place.  

My plan for the gym this week is to try out as many classes that look good as possible.  Tonight will be a 25-minute Core class, followed by a 55-minute Turbo Step class (an advanced step class).  Yes, advanced.  I'm pretty good at step.  I've taken several BodyStep classes, have numerous Cathe step videos, and I'm pretty much a natural thanks to my dancing days (AKA, I'm coordinated).  I'm hoping this Step class is difficult.  I want to get a good sweat on!  C25K will be starting tomorrow.  I plan on doing it 4 times a week (rather than the 3 it prescribes) - Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays.  

Oh, and on another note - I was supposed to start the Advocare cleanse today with a ton of other bloggers. However, even though I ordered it on February 20, it has yet to get here.  To say I'm unhappy is the understatement of the year.  I have attempted to contact them, but the long hold times every time I called were not too appealing.  Grrrr.

Okay, well I'm out.  Make it a great one!

Happy March & Some News

Happy Friday lovelies!  So glad that the weekend is here, and to have NO PLANS at all!  Yay for being 27 with no social life.   :D    But no, really - I actually am glad I have nothing planned.  I'll be deep cleaning my apartment this weekend....that place is just nasty.    :\

So here we are, March 1.  I mentioned yesterday that Spring/Summer is just around the corner, and it's time to kick this butt in to high gear.  First up, a little news for you.  This will no doubt kick my butt in to gear.

What's this, you say?  Oh, just my registration confirmation for my FIRST 5K on Mother's Day!  I will be making it Facebook official this weekend, so it's on like Donkey Kong!  I know I said I was going to be starting training last week, but I actually mis-counted my weeks.  Leave it up to Heather for another one of her blonde moments.  The C25K program is an 8-week program, but figured I'd stretch it to 10 weeks.  Last week would have been 11 weeks.  So it starts on Monday.

And I'll be able to use this lovely thing as my butt kicking motivation tool #2....

Yes, that's right.  I joined the gym last night!!  Whoop whoop!  This is not the first gym I've joined (um, I've joined 3 others).  But I'm really excited about the classes.  At-home DVD workouts are going out the window.  I'm finding it harder and harder to motivate myself to workout when I get home, rather than stuff my face on the couch while simultaneously watching TV, surfing the internet on the computer, and constantly checking Facebook and Instagram on my phone.  You'd think I'm ADD or something.  But my fingers are quite fit, if I do say so myself, from all the channel surfing, web surfing, and phone tapping.

And the icing on the cake for this post?  My March Goals!   :)

Happy March, Happy Friday, and have an awesome weekend!