I'm not going to talk about diet or exercise today. Today I'm going to talk about the issues I've been having. I'll try to make this as short as possible - I guess I'm just looking for advice. If anyone has any, PLEASE comment or email me (danzer0526@gmail.com). Let's get to it.
Some of you read my series "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken." If not, you just need to read the last part here to understand my situation right now. I'm basically in an on-again off-again type situation, and it is stressing me the hell out. Last night I was up until 1:00 AM, because the "guy" (don't know what to call him) was apparently out. He wouldn't answer my phone calls - he only would call me from the bathroom of wherever he was. Obviously something's up. I'm not naive or stupid.
So here's my question. HOW can I just ignore him? I do have the actual book It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken, and all advice points to ignoring him and working on myself. But I can't. It lasts all of about 2 hours, and then I break down. I don't have single friends. I actually have only a few friends - one lives about 45 minutes away (married), one lives about 30 minutes away (married with a baby and another on the way), and the other is pretty close - but she's in a "new" relationship right now. Meaning her life is all about him and I barely ever talk to her anymore because she never wants to go out. I really have no one to turn to, and I feel alone. Which is why I'm finding it so difficult to ignore him. I'm able to ignore a couple calls, but then eventually I cave if he calls again, or I end up calling him back.
I don't want him to move on. I know. It's really selfish. I want him to realize what a jerk he's been and realize what he lost. Or at the very least, tell me if he's met someone. But I don't think he would even tell me if he's met someone. I realize I probably sound really immature and needy. And I'm trying to get out of this pattern. It needs to stop. Anyone have advice?
Hi Heather, I read your series and to be honest with you, I don't think I can offer any advice. I've been in your shoes but I had to look within myself in order to understand that these guys don't care about me. Yes...it's hard to hear but it's true. If they cared, they'd be there with you. You have to stop feeling bad about yourself and go away...move on. You can't do this if you don't believe in yourself. Staying in these relationships time and time again are making you weaker. You're not doing yourself any good here, you're simply making a bad situation worse. To be honest, you're doing it to yourself, these guys aren't doing anything wrong. They see you as vulnerable and know they can take advantage of you. Show them that's not true. Wipe your tears.
ReplyDeleteI would recommend reading some self help books. My main inspiration is Gabrielle Bernstein. Order her books on Amazon. Please. If you don't, let me know your address and I'll send them to you.
Hi Maria - Thanks so much for your comment. I agree that it all lies within me - I'll never feel great in a relationship unless I feel good about myself. And I HAVE done this to myself by allowing these guys to treat me this way. Thanks for your book recommendations - I've downloaded a couple of her books on to my Nook already! :)
DeleteI wanted to comment before on your last post of the series, but i didnt want to sound like i was giving you unwanted advice (or sound like a know it all, because I'm def not, haha!)
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to ignore someone you care about, the best advice I suppose i could give is when you are having those moments of "weakness" (for lack of a better term) you need to remind yourself of the things that bother you about him. remind yourself WHY you guys didnt/wont work out. When we(people in general I mean) are feeling vulnerable I think our minds automatically want comforting things - like happy moments, why we MISS that person. But honestly there is a reason you're not together and those "bad" things are what we need to remind ourselves of to help us let go!
I had a friendship like this, someone that was a bad friend but we always had SO much fun together. Well ,when we stopped hanging out, I was like "dang, i wish i could call her so we could go to that concert it was always so fuN!" but then i had to snap out of it and remind myself how yeah we had fun... BUT (because there is a "BUT") shortly after we were having fun bad things would happen, or she would start talking bad about other people (for example) etc. And it helped. its a lot of work because you have to constantly remind yourself/fight with your brain at first but after a while it sticks and you will find it getting easier and easier.
Best of luck to you Heather, i think you definitely need to work on yourself and be happy. No more of these guys that are bad for you! You dont need that kind of negative attention! You seems stronger and worth more than that!
Thanks Andrea. I agree - I definitely need to work on myself, and that was one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place. I'm hoping I get there eventually - and I think it's happening, slowly but surely!
DeleteHey bloggy boo!!!! Well when I was in a similar situation I called a friend instead of calling him, and to ignore him I blacklisted him. It was hard to not check the blacklist every 5 seconds but it eventually became easier. Occupying your time helps as well. I know you want him to wise up but I think you deserve better. I agree with Maria its all on you. You just have to know that you are worth more, and that hangin on to him blocks out what you really need in your life. Im always here (especially snce my fiance is working a secondjob) so if you want to g talk, email, text whatever I dont mind. I recently had a situation and it was a blogger feriend who was there for me so Im here for you.
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