An Explanation

I have been writing up this blog post over and over for the past few weeks.  As I sit here, during another binge episode, I'm embarrassed.  Embarrassed that I've failed, yet again.  Who is this girl?  This girl who, just over a year ago, ran her first 5K, and made it through a Cathe Friedrich rotation, and was starting to be fit again?  
I am completely out of shape, and am at my all-time highest weight.............of my LIFE.
I almost feel like I shouldn't even have a blog.  Who the hell writes a weight loss blog and gains weight??  This girl.  Another thing that has kept me from blogging is that, well....I'm different.  I'm not a mom (like 99% of bloggers).  I'm not a wife (like 99% of bloggers).  And I don't own a beautiful home with a white picket fence (like 99% of bloggers).  I just don't fit in.  
So I'm asking myself....what made me ever think I could start a weight loss blog....and be one of the cool kids at the cool kids table?  Because I'm not.  And I don't have a fabulous life to share like everyone.  I'm not going on fabulous trips or have kids to take to millions of activities or mom dates or much of a social life to share (can't have much of a social life when all my friends live far away and are married with families of their own).  It's just little old me (and Ricky, of course), going to work, coming home, making a meal (if I don't go to JJ's or something), watching TV for 4 hours, and then going to bed.  Every.  Single.  Day.
And it's starting to get to me, to say the least.  Well, I should say it has been getting to me.
So what's a girl to do?  I don't think I'm ready to give up this space.  I think a part of me still has hope.  Hope that some day (soon, preferably), everything will just magically come together.  Or at least start to.  I wish I had a new plan to share, but I feel like every time I do that, I do it for a couple days, and then disappear from blogland for months.  I don't want that to happen anymore.
So really, all I can say is, I'm taking it one day at a time.  And I know, eventually, things will start falling in to place.
Thanks for sticking with me.  There is more to come.  I'm just not sure what that is yet.....