We’re all pretty hard on ourselves when it comes to our weight. I’m pretty sure it comes with the territory of being a woman. So when someone else decides to comment on it, and put you down for it? That’s when it becomes heartbreaking. Especially coming from someone who you thought loved you.
For the past few months, I’ve had to deal with that pain. I’ve had to listen to someone tell me that I need to lose weight. That I need to be a certain number on the scale to be a part of their life. That I need to be their size, or smaller, to look normal with them. That I need to lose weight like some girl they work with – she lost weight over the summer and looks incredible, so why haven’t I? I need to make a schedule and work out those days. They are embarrassed to take me places. Yes, all of those things have been said to me, plus more, numerous, numerous, times.
This person claims it’s only because they care and want me to be healthy.
I’m not stupid. I don’t believe them.
And all of this has really made me hate myself and my body even more. It has made me gain even more weight. Because really – who loses weight when someone they love is hounding them, and bullying them? No one. It makes them feel terrible, and want to eat more. It makes them do the very thing that made them fat in the first place – eat their feelings.
This blog is not a only a weight loss blog, but a place for me to heal. A place for me to find myself, to find inner peace….to find my inner butterfly. I don’t believe that can happen when someone like this is present in my life. But how can I shut them out of my life? This person has been a constant in my life for more than three years. This person has been the only person who I’ve done things with – I’ve spent about 95% of my time with this person for 3 long years. All of my friends are married, have families, etc. What happens when I let go?
I will be alone. Completely alone. With no one to go out with on the weekends. No one to talk to. How can I meet other people when I have friends who have their own lives, and their own priorities?
How do I let go? How do I move on? All I know is I don’t want to be in this place anymore. I want to change my life, and move it in a positive direction. I feel stuck. That no matter what I do, I will be miserable.
And this is where I’m at….right this moment.
This was me 8 months ago. My fiance and broke up after 2 1/2 insane years and it has been the best and most loneliest thing I have ever done. There comes a point when you have to let go. There are a LOT more things worse in than life that being alone on the weekends... like being with someone who constantly tells you to lose weight and compares you to other women. I can tell you that through being alone because all of my friends are married with children and their own families/lives that I have learned how to be strong. I learned how to work harder at MY DREAMS and that no one defined my worth. Sunday, I spent the day ALONE and went hiking, to church, then to the movies. It was such a fun day, but all of my friends were too busy to join so I decided to do it myself. If you can take this leap of faith, it will be the best and hardest thing you have ever done for yourself. It will not be easy, but you will change and believe in yourself more than you ever thought possible and you can ALWAYS meet new people. Someone hounding and telling you to lose weight will NEVER work. Like you stated it does the opposite. No one deserves feeling like they're not good enough. I hope and pray that you find the strength to get out of this situation. It sounds like you already have it and understand what needs to happen, you just need to take that leap of faith into the unknown.
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so sorry you're dealing with this. It's emotional abuse plain and simple. I don't have the answers for you. Only you know if the pain of letting go is worse than the pain of holding on. But I can say that when you feel better about yourself and feel more confident because you're not being bullied by someone else all of the things you think won't happen will. Like finding someone else to spend your time with. You are a wonderful person and how beautiful and wonderful you are is NOT tied to your weight. Period.
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