I completely feel like a broken record, and that I'm always letting everyone down. I have all these grand plans, only to fail miserably. I lose a couple pounds, then gain them back. It's tough. And it's annoying. But mostly it's tough. I thought the first few pounds were supposed to be easy? But since I started the year off (exercising and such), I have gained 10 pounds. When I started this blog, I was in the 140s. Now I'm creeping up to the 160s. How in the hell does that happen? I did not work out at all before the beginning of this year. Now I work out 5-6 days/week. I didn't count calories or watch my portions. Now I track everything on MyFitnessPal. And where has that gotten me? 10 more pounds on this 5'1" frame.
What gives??? It's taking so much in me to not just give up. I feel like I'm doing all the right things, and getting rewarded for nothing. Is there something wrong with my body? I almost wish there was, because then I'd know WHY I'm gaining weight, instead of losing.
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Sigh. But I have no choice. I have to keep going. I can't give up. I still have that 5K in May that everyone knows about. And I still have this blog. This blog has been the one thing that's kept me going. Yes, disappearing and never showing up again would be the easy way out. I've done that before. Did you know in the past I had 3-4 blogs that I abandoned because I just gave up? Granted, I had 0 followers. But I can't do that. Not this time.
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The next couple of weeks, this blog will be changing. In a good way. I also have a secret to tell you all about - probably in tomorrow's post.
And as for that scale? It's time to say goodbye to that bitch. No more weigh-in Wednesdays, and no more "rewards" based on that stupid number. I'm going to start rewarding my behavior. I'm going to start taking measurements. And I will weigh myself once per month - the last day of every month (no matter what day of the week it is). That scale is going in my closet and away from my view.
No more waiting to be at a certain weight to reward myself. I need to reward myself for my hard work. That number will not control me. No more.